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My Mind is Pondering

The Watered Soul: My Mind is Pondering

Apr 15, 2010

My Mind is Pondering

"M" is the letter of the day for the A-Z Challenge. I considered mentioning mothers and even money matters. But the subject of marriage has my mind mesmerized at the moment. Not because I'm some expert in the matter but as a young, single, professional Christian woman, I'm concerned about getting it right. The fact that so many marriages, even among Christians, today end in divorce is rather alarming to me. Understandably being Christian doesn't exempt one from the pressures and challenges that any marriage faces, I've just always believe that somehow two Christians entering marriage could certainly beat the odds. So my questions is to those of you who are happily hanging in marriage, what's the secret (for the lack of a better word) to making marriage work? Or what tools are essential to having a happy marriage?


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18 Comments:

At April 15, 2010 at 8:34 AM , Blogger Andrea said...

Essential tools:

Focus on GOD
Lots of prayer
Unconditional love

Hugs, andrea

 
At April 15, 2010 at 8:36 AM , Blogger BLUEBUTTERFLY said...

Hello Wanda! Marriage...what a word to think on. Trust is the core. We can't have a relationship with God if we can't trust Him, and we can't have a marriage without trust.

Trust in marriage begins long before the marriage. Each person must have developed a trusting relationship with God. That trust in God gives us what we need to make wise decisions, including that critical decision of who we should marry. TRUST, TRUST & TRUST! Without it, there is no honesty, no humility, no Godly submission, no love. There must be trust.

 
At April 15, 2010 at 9:52 AM , Blogger arlee bird said...

As one who is on his 3rd marriage I might not seem like the go to guy on this topic. Believe me, I was not happy about any of my divorces and would have never let them happen if it had been totally up to me. I think divorce laws should be much more rigid and biblical.

Aside from the good advice given so far I would add extreme patience and commitment. 1 Corinthians chapter 13 should be the study guide for you and any prospective partner before you enter into a marriage and throughout the partnership.

I hope you find the partner you deserve and that when you go into the contract that it is intended for life. Divorce is one of the worst things I've ever had to deal with and I don't recommend it for anyone.

Lee
Blogging From A to Z April Challenge

 
At April 15, 2010 at 10:52 AM , Blogger Bud Ezekiel H. said...

...disqualify myself to answer this one:)

but agree 100% with what Lee said AND experienced...

 
At April 15, 2010 at 10:54 AM , Blogger Shannon said...

There is no secret, love each other the way God teaches you to do in His word, don't just give 50% of yourself to your mate, give 100% of yourself to the marriage...communicate every day, it is a wonderful tool...lol...men cannot read our minds, so don't make them, tell them what you want because they really don't know..we are wired emotionally, men are wired visually, it's a fact, God made them that way! These are my secrets, if you want to call them that, to a wonderful marriage!

 
At April 15, 2010 at 12:30 PM , Blogger Linda said...

Commitment. Start like you want to finish - together. And everything Lee said.

 
At April 15, 2010 at 1:58 PM , Blogger Faith Imagined said...

I agree with everything. I also want to add that you be physically intimate with your hubby as much as possible. He will greatly appreciate this advice!

 
At April 15, 2010 at 5:04 PM , Blogger Tori Cooper said...

Totally agree with Shannon and Faith Imagined... unfortunately no one is exempt from tough times. So it is important to remember we all have to fight to keep the marriage healthy and strong.

Marriage is hard work and not for the weary. My husband & I decided at the very beginning that if we married, divorce wasn't an option, that we would do whatever we could to make it work, and we would always put Christ in the center of our relationship.

We believe that marriage is a full time ministry in itself. I am called to minister to my husband and he to me... as long as we are keeping our minds on loving Jesus and loving each other... all is well.

Some Christians run off elsewhere to participate in "ministry" neglecting their #1 ministry- their family. A family starts when a man & woman marry not when they have children. I guess that's why Paul remained single- so he could focus on saving the world and not have to worry about saving his marriage. Marriage is not for everyone.

There is a great book out there by Dr. Emerson called "Love & Respect"... boils it down to two basic needs... a women generally needs to feel loved and a man generally need to feel respected. Check it out sometime. :-D

 
At April 15, 2010 at 6:46 PM , Blogger Wanda said...

All such good advice. Thanks for sharing guys. I'll have to check that book out, Tori.

 
At April 15, 2010 at 7:00 PM , Blogger Mary McDonald said...

This year, I'll be married 25 years. I wish I had some secret, but I don't. I guess it's mostly being committed and realizing that that there are going to be rough patches but that there will be good times too.

 
At April 15, 2010 at 7:20 PM , Blogger Lisa said...

Since I'm divorced Wanda, I really have no right to address this question, but I do feel like I know the answer. When my husband (ex) and I allowed ourselves to fall away from God and started doing our own thing, our marriage fell apart. If Christ is the center of ANYTHING you do, everything will be okay.

 
At April 15, 2010 at 8:34 PM , Blogger Living Water said...

I guess it's about truth, trust, tolerance, communication, commitment, companionship, communion, and completeness.

Personally, it has much to do with accepting one another for who we are inspite of.

I love my wife and I am still growing in love for her even after 20 years. We do things together and we hide nothing from each other. We share and communicate in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in prosperity and in poverty, to hold each other up and to go through difficult times together, without forgetting to be thankful to God always, knowing He is always in control.

As in the marriage vow, it is being there for each other to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Read more ...

 
At April 15, 2010 at 10:51 PM , Blogger Ellie said...

I have been married 25 yrs... The secret is to have your own hobbies, respect for one another and marry
a sailor, they go away a lot. I'm kidding, though it is true. We probably have been together only 15 yrs. It is a give n' take relationship, sometimes you have to take the high road. It takes a lot of faith, trust and communication.

 
At April 15, 2010 at 11:16 PM , Anonymous LaMecia Ward-Pree said...

Enjoyed each comments. Really good blog also

 
At April 16, 2010 at 5:28 PM , Blogger Wanda said...

Thanks Mary, Lisa, Living Water, and Lamecia. Lisa experience is a good teacher to know what to avoid. I appreciate you sharing what you learned.

 
At April 21, 2010 at 12:55 AM , Blogger Kathleen said...

I have pondered this often what makes a good marriage. I have been married for almost 17 years now.

Most of these keys have already been mentioned but I just wanted to agree: a 100% commitment; it is not a 50-50 deal. Each of you has to give 100%.

Communication and an ability to resolve conflict. A good sense of humor! Laugh a lot together. When times were tough and we needed to communicate -- my husband also needed (and so did I but didn't know it) was to go have FUN together and laugh and remember how & why we fell in love.

We have had to make each other a priority, especially in these season of kids and high-demand in careers. Sitting next to each other (not letting children between), once-a-month date nights, talking with each uninterupted when kids are awake (small increments of time).

And prayer, the grace of God, godly examples of long marriages (both my husband & I have great examples in our parents & grandparents, etc).

I also highly recommend marriage conferences at all seasons of life. They usually get you talking about topics that are easy to go undiscussed especially because a spouse gets defensive when you bring it up. But here the conference people said to talk about THIS and so you're talking about THIS because they said to not because one of you had an agenda and that helps.

The Love & Respect book is good. I recommend that as well.
Kathleen

 
At April 21, 2010 at 7:49 AM , OpenID prochaskas said...

Realistic expectations. Honeymoon infatuation and the chills don't last and aren't designed to. Expect lots of ordinary days. You will -- and should -- argue / discuss, because you will have conflicts -- you're two different people. Toss out the fairy tale ideals, and set your sights on "good enough," with gratitude.

We've been married thirteen years. I wouldn't call it a fabulous, thrilling, inspirational marriage, but it's good enough. We are committed, we keep trying to stay connected and to trust God and one another and to forgive. We've both made lots of progress in accepting each other and the chronic conflicts we have, and accepting baby steps instead of sweeping changes. There are still dark days, but we trust.

 
At April 21, 2010 at 12:38 PM , Blogger Wanda said...

Kathleen and Prochaskas what a wealth of wisdome you've both shared. And thanks for the book recommendation.

 

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